Regrets
by Alice Brennan
Summary: Narcissa Malfoy's biggest regret.


**A/N: Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. Wigtown Wanderers. Keeper's position.**

Narcissa kept her head low, the hood of her robes pulled down as far as it would go, as she made her way through Knockturn Alley. Lucius had declared it off limits, which Narcissa understood. He was just trying to protect her. It was more dangerous than ever since the Dark Lord had fallen. Word had spread quickly regarding the Malfoys' abandonment of the Dark Lord during his final moments. Her contact had refused to meet her anywhere else, and Narcissa was desperate. She couldn't go on like this. The night terrors and that constant bone-numbing fear of losing everything haunted her like an angry ghost. Lucius told her it was just anxiety from almost losing Draco in that final battle, but that pain was mild compared to the truth. If she were honest, she would have told him the battle had barely affected her. Of course, she had been desperate to save Draco. She had succeeded, and it was over. There were no regrets there, but it was regret that tore at her insides and kept her up at night. Regret and sorrow and self-hatred. She hated herself for what she was, a coward, and that hatred had started long before the Dark Lord was ever resurrected for that final battle. It began in her youth. It began the first time she chose to protect herself rather than fighting to protect someone she loved. Right now, she would give anything to fix it. The artifact she was about to purchase from her contact was her only hope of undoing her mistake.

Narcissa stepped inside Borgin and Burkes, only lowering her hood when the door was shut and locked behind her. Mr. Burke watched in silence as she flipped the sign and turned to face him.

"Do you have it?" Narcissa asked, stepping up to the counter.

"Can you afford it?" Mr. Burke countered, narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously. "I've heard the rumors regarding the Malfoy fortune."

"Rumors," Narcissa repeated, "That's all they are. Show it to me."

Mr. Burke turned around and took a small black box off of the shelf behind him. He removed the lid and placed it on the counter in front of Narcissa. In the box was a small violet crystal that glimmered in the light from the fireplace. "This is The Stone of Dreams. Legend says Merlin carved and enchanted It himself. It grants it's holder a single wish. It cost me a small fortune to get my hands on that."

"And a small fortune is what you'll make off of it," Narcissa answered, taking a small pouch out of the pocket of her robes. She dropped it on the counter and reached for the box.

Mr. Burke dropped his hand over it before she could touch it. He smiled maliciously. "I want a little extra something for my time."

"We already agreed on the price," Narcissa objected.

"Didn't include reimbursement for the trouble I went through to get it," Mr. Burke insisted. "I want an additional twenty galleons."

"Twenty?" Narcissa gasped. "Are you mad?"

Mr. Burke shrugged. "If the Malfoy fortune is truly untouched by the war, twenty galleons should be mere change to the likes of you. Could feed me and mine for a week. It's an additional twenty galleons, or I sell to someone else, Mrs. Malfoy."

Narcissa sighed, and reluctantly pulled a second pouch out of her robes. She emptied the contents into her hand and frowned. "I only have fifteen with me."

Mr. Burke greedily grabbed the galleons from her hand. "Deal. Now take your prize and get out of my shop. Its unwise for a lady such as yourself to be in Knockturn Alley so late. You never know who might be watching. "

Narcissa glared at him as she put the lid back on the box and slipped it into her pocket. "It is unwise for a man such as yourself to cheat a Malfoy. You never know who might be watching," she countered, her voice much more threatening than his had been. Without waiting for a response, Narcissa turned on her heel and moved back to the door. She unlocked it, flipped the sign back over, and pulled her hood over her platinum blonde hair before slipping back out into the alley.

Later that evening, Narcissa found herself pacing back and forth in her parlor. Lucius would be back any moment, and she knew she had to do it before his return. He would stop her. He would be furious she had spent the money on it. He wouldn't understand. Yet, every time she brushed her fingers over that little, shining glimmer of hope, her heart raced, struck by a sudden sense of dread. This was it for her. It could be a second chance. An opportunity to undo so much horror and pain and loss, not just for her, but for a lot of people, if she could do it right. It also meant going back to that night — that one night she had turned her back on her sister. She could feel that same fear that she'd felt so many years ago racing through her veins like a paralyzing drug. That fear that had stopped her in her tracks and cost her so much. Could she really do this? She had been strong enough to save Draco. Was she strong enough to save her sister? Narcissa's breath caught in her chest as she turned back towards The Stone of Dreams and glared daggers at it, silently daring it to tell her she wasn't. She heard the front door open and snatched it off the desk, clutching it tightly in her hand.

"Narcissa?" Lucius called out, his footsteps almost echoing through the empty house as he made his way towards the parlor.

Narcissa looked down at the stone. Years. She wanted years of her life back. So much time lost and wasted because of one single mistake. She wished to have the chance to fix her mistake and then return here to be with her family. Just as Lucius opened the door, his eyes wide with shock at what he saw, Narcissa vanished.

Narcissa swayed as her surroundings blurred around her. When it finally stopped, she was standing in the middle of the same parlor, but it was dark and empty now. She didn't care enough about what the Malfoy estate was like back then to bother looking around. It was important to stay focused on the mission. If she stayed in the past for too long, she could end up changing something that wasn't meant to be changed.

Narcissa apparated and reappeared outside of 12 Grimmauld Place. She slipped inside, careful to not be seen, and made her way through the house. Right now, her parents and her sisters…and her younger self should be in the family parlor. The door to the parlor was already cracked open when she reached it. It was almost as though the house were mocking her, dangling the worst night of her life in front of her. She could hear the conversation and even see a sliver of what was going on inside. Her father, Cygnus Black towered over Bella. Bella's eyes were defiant, despite the tears streaming down her cheeks. She had only been seventeen at the time.

Narcissa felt her chest tighten as she watched. She couldn't move. Her thoughts raced as she struggled to figure out a way to fix everything. If she just burst in, her family could assume she was an intruder. Even if they did recognize her, what could they think except that some sort of dark magic had been cast on them? She couldn't do anything but watch, tears forming in her eyes.

"I won't marry him," Bellatrix whispered, her hands balling into fists. To anyone else she appeared to be furious, but Narcissa knew her too well. She balled up her fists to keep her hands from shaking. She was scared.

"Don't you tell me what you will or won't do!" Cygnus snarled at her, "You are marrying Rodolphus Lestrange. Everything has been arranged. You'll marry him or…" Cygnus hesitated, a smirk appearing on his face as he finished his threat, "You'll marry him or you'll no longer be a member of this family."

Bella's eyes widened. "What?"

"You heard me," Cygnus sneered.

Bella took a step back from him, out of Narcissa's sight, but Narcissa still remembered the way Bella's gaze had turned to her and their mother, pleading with them to help her. Bella had been the sweet one back then. She had been innocent and more loyal than any of them had been.

"Mom?" Bella's voice croaked, growing hoarse from how long she had been crying.

Their mother, Druella, didn't even bother to answer.

"Cissy…please…." Bella said, her gaze turning to Narcissa's younger self.

Narcissa's hands began to shake as her younger self remained silent, watching in horror as her father grabbed Bella by the arm.

"Don't you dare ask your sister to defy me!" he roared, rearing back his other hand and hitting her across the face. If he hadn't been holding her up by her arm, she would have fallen to the floor.

If Narcissa had only known then what she knew now, how much this marriage would cost Bella, maybe she would have been brave enough to stand up to their father. Narcissa wondered if her parents had known what sort of man Rodolphus Lestrange was. When he was hitting Bella, did Cygnus Black know the man he was forcing his daughter to marry would go on to torture her with the Cruciatus curse until she was half mad? Rodolphus had done unspeakable things to her. Bella was being forced down a path that would ultimately lead to her death, and no one even tried to stop it. Not self-righteous Andromeda, or family-oriented Narcissa, or either of the monsters who had raised them. No one would stand up for Bellatrix again until it was too late…not until the Dark Lord himself took up for her. Maybe if Narcissa had just said something, Bella would still be alive now.

Narcissa quickly wiped tears from her eyes as she turned away from the door and left the house with a new destination in mind. She couldn't make her younger self stand up for Bella, but she could still save Bella from the torture she went through at the hands of Rodolphus Lestrange. She apparated to the Lestrange manor and slipped into the yard, staring up at the dark, menacing house. Movement from one of the first-floor windows caught her attention and Narcissa smiled. She entered the house and went to the room she'd seen movement in. Rodolphus had just opened a bottle of firewhiskey. His eyes went wide when he caught sight of her.

"Who are you?" He demanded defensively. He didn't recognize Narcissa. "What do you want?"

Narcissa raised her wand. In this moment, after spending so many years carrying the guilt of what had happened to Bella, nothing made her happier than making someone else pay for Bella's suffering.

Rodolphus Lestrange quickly reached for his wand, but he wasn't fast enough.

" _Avada Kedavra_!" Narcissa snarled, sending a bolt of green light straight into his chest.

Rodolphus' eyes widened for a brief moment before his body crumpled to the floor. Narcissa smiled, moving to stand over him. She shoved him with her foot just to make sure the curse had done its job. His eyes were vacant. No one was going to force anyone to marry him now.

Narcissa turned on her heel and left the manor, apparating back to Grimmauld Place. Her fingers squeezed the stone. For a brief moment she was terrified that it wouldn't answer the second half of her wish. Then the world blurred around her again, and soon she was back in her own time, right where she wanted to be.

A thrill went through her. With Bellatrix alive and well, 12 Grimmauld Place would rightfully belong to Bella, not Potter. Narcissa quickly strode to the door, her heart leaping with happiness at the thought of seeing her sister again. Her real sister, not the shell of madness that Rodolphus and the Dark Lord had turned her into. Bella would be here. She had to be.

Narcissa entered the home without knocking and came face to face with an empty shell of what had been her childhood home. The place was ransacked…just as it had been before she'd gone back in time.

"No…" Narcissa gasped, tears forming in the corners of her eyes and falling down her cheeks. She stumbled further into the house, but it was clear that no one had been here for years. "Please, no." Narcissa cried, "Bella, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

Somehow, even without Rodolphus Lestrange, Bella was still dead. Nothing had changed.


End file.
